This evening I took down the mobile which used to be suspended over my child’s crib.
It left me overwhelmed.
Tiny’s grown from needing help with turning to just stretching those little fingers up high while she is solidly on her feet to give those swinging toys (who would yell for their lives if only they could) some vigorous exercise…
Even though tonight’s the end of the period during which she’s been “zero” – tomorrow she’ll be one – I still find I’ve moments like these, those of utter disbelief time’s flowing by so very quickly.
Time. Slow down! Slow down?
The prompt for the 100 word challenge on Thin Spiral Notebook this week was to write 100 words without using the letter A. An absolutely brilliant prompt! Go check out the other posts here.
I miss you. There. I said it. I don’t know if I am allowed to anymore, things being the way they are, but it’s how I feel. I wander the halls at home a little dazed on so many days, constantly thinking of you. Because I still need you…like I have for so many years.
Do you remember how close we were? Spending hours and hours together? Uninterrupted. In silence. Alone in our own little world? At peace in each other’s company? There was very little that could separate you from me…but now, how things have changed! It’s been almost a year since we began growing apart…but the ache I have because of your absence only grows stronger everyday.
Oh Sleep!! How I miss you! Come back to me, please?
As I watch my baby sleeping
And stroke her soft hair
I can’t help but say
An earnest whispered prayer –
I pray you know you are so loved,
And are always surrounded by people who care,
That you have friends
Who will always be there.
That in this scary world
You are always safe
That in the arms of loved ones
You can always find solace
That you grow up to be kind
And help those in distress
That you experience heartbreak
And learn the power of forgiveness.
That you always have a roof
To cover your head
A meal at your table
A pillow and bed.
That you are always gentle
With those not as strong
That you have courage
And fight for those wronged
That you know you are beautiful
No matter what anyone says,
That you chase your dreams
And do well – all your days.
There is so much I pray,
For you, now sleeping so peacefully
But what I want most of all,
Is for you a good person to be.
Apparently golden-yellow sunshine has given way to pale moon beams and then returned to reclaim its territory over and over for more than a month now. When I was told, I blinked in disbelief. I moved out of my room and looked at all the calendars in the house suspiciously, to see if I could spot any sign of mischief, but all of them; from the one that hangs in my parents room to the one on my phone; show me that today is the 8th of May! It seems then that what I have been told is true – I have been entrusted with the care of the most precious parcel for five weeks already! I can scarcely believe that she has been here so long. True she was scheduled to arrive in April; but she made her grand entrance a lot earlier than she was supposed to. A friend of mine joked and said, “She definitely knows her mother is a CA…why else would she arrive on the first day of the new financial year!?!”
When I called my doctor to discuss what I thought was a silly problem and she told me that the baby had to come the next morning – days before she was due – I did what any reasonable person would have done in my shoes…I panicked. Would the baby have grown enough to be able to survive outside its cocoon? Why so much before the due date? Was I becoming an inhospitable host? Why wasn’t the husband there by my side?! Could I handle a baby? Would I know what to do? What if we didn’t bond well? And worst of all…was I even ready to be a mother?!?To say I was freaking out would probably be an understatement…
Now a little later I know, although it is normal, I didn’t have to turn into a great big mess because lying on that operating table, strapped up to strange contraptions, my mouth covered with an oxygen mask, I can’t recall a time I was happier than those few seconds when they let me gaze upon her face before whisking her away. I realized that my biggest fear about being ready was probably the most foolish of all. Of course I was ready! I’d been ready to be her mother since the day I saw her as nothing more than a little speck on the ultrasound.
April…you have brought with you many nights of disturbed sleep and a painful recovery post surgery, but, you could not have been a more beautiful and blessed month!