I’ve never been able to pray out loud except with my parents and brother during our evening prayers. One of my most embarrassing memories from school is stammering over the “Our Father” when I was asked to lead the rosary one week at my church. It’s a prayer I’ve known since before I could fully appreciate the deep meaning of the words, but I still drew a blank and had to be prompted. Since then, every time someone asks me to get up behind a mic and recite a common prayer, I’ve made sure I’ve had a copy of it in front of me. (For those of you who know me personally, I’m sure you don’t really believe me considering you are aware that I quite enjoy getting up in front of a crowd and talking…but, I promise you, it’s true).
I had pushed that childhood memory to the back of my mind but it came right back when my husband suggested becoming more regular with our daily prayers and that I should lead. I did what anyone would do…I panicked. Me lead?? Erm… Even though I know in my heart it is a good idea, I still haven’t been able to get around to doing it.
So, I’ve done a lot of thinking and reading and I now realize that I’m uncomfortable, embarrassed and a little scared too, simply because for me prayer is a private conversation with God and not a group chat. Even if the group is just my husband and I. See, when I pray, I talk…like God is my buddy…I don’t usually say the prayers I learnt by heart when I was a child. I simply talk about my day, what I’m afraid of, what I’ve done and how I would like to be better. It’s not a conventional prayer in any sense. I admire people who can not only pray out loud with ease but also include everyone in the room in their prayer as well. As of last night, I still wasn’t one of those people. So, even though my husband suggested it and I know it’s a good plan, I still carry on with my silent prayers, hoping to be able to sit down with my husband and pray out loud in my own style one day. (I really hope that day is today).
What is your take on prayer? Do you deviate from the conventional recitation? Do you think you can pray out loud? Or like me, do you prefer private conversations?