ONE!

This evening I took down the mobile which used to be suspended over my child’s crib.  

 

It left me overwhelmed. 

Tiny’s grown from needing help with turning to just stretching those little fingers up high while she is solidly on her feet to give those swinging toys (who would yell for their lives if only they could) some vigorous exercise…

Even though tonight’s the end of the period during which she’s been “zero” – tomorrow she’ll be one – I still find I’ve moments like these, those of utter disbelief time’s flowing by so very quickly.

Sigh…

Time. Slow down! Slow down?

******

100 Word Challenge

The prompt for the 100 word challenge on Thin Spiral Notebook this week was to write 100 words without using the letter A. An absolutely brilliant prompt! Go check out the other posts here.

Whispered Prayer

As I watch my baby sleeping
And stroke her soft hair
I can’t help but say
An earnest whispered prayer –

I pray you know you are so loved,
And are always surrounded by people who care,
That you have friends
Who will always be there.
That in this scary world
You are always safe
That in the arms of loved ones
You can always find solace
That you grow up to be kind
And help those in distress
That you experience heartbreak
And learn the power of forgiveness.
That you always have a roof
To cover your head
A meal at your table
A pillow and bed.
That you are always gentle
With those not as strong
That you have courage
And fight for those wronged
That you know you are beautiful
No matter what anyone says,
That you chase your dreams
And do well – all your days.

There is so much I pray,
For you, now sleeping so peacefully
But what I want most of all,
Is for you a good person to be.

A is for…

…April Arrivals!

Apparently golden-yellow sunshine has given way to pale moon beams and then returned to reclaim its territory over and over for more than a month now. When I was told, I blinked in disbelief. I moved out of my room and looked at all the calendars in the house suspiciously, to see if I could spot any sign of mischief, but all of them; from the one that hangs in my parents room to the one on my phone; show me that today is the 8th of May! It seems then that what I have been told is true – I have been entrusted with the care of the most precious parcel for five weeks already! I can scarcely believe that she has been here so long. True she was scheduled to arrive in April; but she made her grand entrance a lot earlier than she was supposed to. A friend of mine joked and said, “She definitely knows her mother is a CA…why else would she arrive on the first day of the new financial year!?!”

When I called my doctor to discuss what I thought was a silly problem and she told me that the baby had to come the next morning – days before she was due – I did what any reasonable person would have done in my shoes…I panicked. Would the baby have grown enough to be able to survive outside its cocoon? Why so much before the due date? Was I becoming an inhospitable host? Why wasn’t the husband there by my side?! Could I handle a baby? Would I know what to do? What if we didn’t bond well?  And worst of all…was I even ready to be a mother?!? To say I was freaking out would probably be an understatement…

wpid-img_20150508_092554.jpgNow a little later I know, although it is normal, I didn’t have to turn into a great big mess because lying on that operating table, strapped up to strange contraptions, my mouth covered with an oxygen mask, I can’t recall a time I was happier than those few seconds when they let me gaze upon her face before whisking her away. I realized that my biggest fear about being ready was probably the most foolish of all. Of course I was ready! I’d been ready to be her mother since the day I saw her as nothing more than a little speck on the ultrasound.

April…you have brought with you many nights of disturbed sleep and a painful recovery post surgery, but, you could not have been a more beautiful and blessed month!

Restoring Faith

I was looking at the housing.com website and watching the Look Up – Housing video and their ideas of housing being the right of everybody – filling the world with positivity and optimism resonated with me. (You can check out the video here). I suppose it has something to do with the fact that there is a baby on the way (and who might be here a lot soon than I anticipated) but, I seem to have a lot of questions that I desperately wish I had answers to. From the silly, ‘will my child ever see a tiger or will poachers truly wipe them out?’ or ‘will my baby really have to listen to music without soul?’, to the more serious, ‘will he or she be able to cycle in the street and not leave me constantly worrying about an accident?’ or ‘will he or she be able to go to school and come back home without some sick sick person taking away his or her innocence?’ As any mother-to-be must wonder at some point, I have looked at the world around me and questioned if it makes sense to bring a child into the world when things are as miserable as they are. While on one side we celebrate India’s wins at the cricket world cup, on the other we hang our heads in shame as we come to terms with the existence of men who can so casually justify their heinous crimes. Whenever I think we as a country can sink no lower and the only way is up, something happens and I realize that it’s only getting worse. But, it’s not just at home…it’s everywhere in the world. Is anyone, anywhere safe anymore? There are days when the future seems all too bleak…

But then I only need to recall an evening I recently spent with my four-year old niece…

That day, she wanted to play “sports day” and got out her little motor bike, Speedy. “Come Teyti! (which is what she calls me) Let’s have a race!“, she said. Thinking that it could be fun and since everyone had told me the more active I am while pregnant the better, I agreed and like any normal adult, I made sure that I followed her slowly while she turned on “super speed” mode and crossed the finish line first. My mother put an imaginary medal round her neck and she was thrilled.

We had repeated the race a couple of times and she had won a whole lot of imaginary medals when suddenly she stopped and looked at me very sadly. “You haven’t won any medals no, Teyti?” I shook my head and said, “No. You’re just too fast for me!” That’s when she said, “Come, I’ll hold your hand so you can go faster and get a gold medal this time. I have so many already.”

I looked at her and all at once, my faith in our failing world was restored. I remember seeing an episode of Greys Anatomy where one of the characters said something like, “This is how the world changes, good people raising their babies right…” Perhaps it isn’t such a bad idea to believe that and be optimistic about tomorrow…

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