Of love, loss and peace

Once, you were so desperately in love you were willing to fight even the army of the Gods if they tried to keep you apart. Once there was a happiness in your life that truly knew no bounds. Once you couldn’t wait for night to pass so that you could gaze upon that face again. Once you could spend hours listening to that voice and you truly began to believe it had the soothing quality of angels. Once every touch sent a current down your being. Once you believed that together, life would be a dream. Once…

Now, nearly a decade later, you wake up feeling nothing for the person lying in bed next to you, except perhaps a strong distaste…the kind that no known product made by man can change. Now, you feel lost in a darkness so deep that to you, it seems like even if you spent an entire lifetime trying to claw your way back to the light, you would still not be able to escape it. Now, that face has become one you would give anything to avoid seeing for it never smiles at you. Now, that voice sets your teeth on edge for the only words that are heard are fighting words. Now, that touch makes you recoil, for there exists no true affection in it. Now, the dream that once seemed so certainly the only reality has been lost for a long time and turned into a nightmare from which there seems no awakening. Now…

You wonder how the love just disappeared and on really bad days, you question whether it was ever there at all. You wonder if it was the little things that you stopped doing for each other. If it was just you who changed so much. If there was something you could have done differently or if you would do things the same way if you were given a second chance. You can’t really understand how you have gone from being near inseparable to just two individual entities in space and time with nothing keeping you together except a piece of paper that you once signed so joyously together in front of witnesses to seal your union.

You sit. You hold your head in your hands. You shed tears. You let them fall till all you feel is emptiness. In that emptiness you realize that you have to make a hard decision. One of the most difficult in your life. One that will change everything. But you know that although change is not always easy and can be so hard it can break you, it needs to be made. Change must come. Without this change you will never be able to pick up the pieces and rebuild a stronger you. A better you. A wiser you. So, you make the decision and you know this change…this choice…it’s for the best in the end.

Yes, you are alone now…but at least you’re no longer lonely. You’re by yourself today…but at least you’re finally at peace.

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Written in response to “Start a New Life” #StartANewLife for housing.com. Please have a look at their video:

To the Men…

Dear Men,

It’s international women’s day today. A day when the world acknowledges women and their pivotal role in society. A day when we can stand up and proudly say that we are strong, brave, independent, competitive and fierce – not the weaker sex but equals with you! But, as we celebrate what should be the turn of the tide, why are you doing your absolute best to crush our spirit?

Men, in your seats of power, you pass laws that offer more protection to cows than women and still think you are fit to talk of progress. You do not dole out punishment to those of your gender guilty of marital rape. Would you force such “duty” on your own wives and daughters? There is no place of refuge or solace for women who have been tortured, physically and mentally, by other men like you. Do you not remember that you made a vow to protect your wife when the two of you made your way around the sacred fire? How can you not see that the weeping woman could be her? There is no justice for women who are victims of heinous crimes but, if that wasn’t bad enough, you give her no sympathy either, finding ways to pin the blame on her instead! Like the way she is dressed or how late in the evening she is out or that she is with a male friend should make a difference when it comes to her safety… Are you not afraid that one day that nameless faceless woman could easily be your daughter? Things have deteriorated so much that it is now unsafe even for our children to play outside because there are those of your “superior” gender with an insatiable hunger for the unthinkable. How do you sleep at night?

Men, will you ever see us as your equals or will we forever be just objects that you can use and discard?

Men, do you not see that because of acts so brutal, so cruel and so barbaric committed by some of your gender, all of you are looked at with suspicion and distrust? That unless you change your attitude, more incidents like the ones that have already shocked the world will continue to take place? That we must teach our sons to treat our women respectfully? Do you not see that the drastic, immediate change should have taken place yesterday?

Dear Men, I was angry…once. Now,  I am just disappointed.

Thank you for giving us so much to celebrate this women’s day…

Tying the knot

In India, did you know that there are more places of worship than schools or hospitals? Did you know that religious pilgrimage accounts for a sizable percentage of the total tourism every year? Did you know that studies have shown that the more educated we get the more the fundamental aspects of religion appeal to us? You may not have been aware of all that but you do know that everyone from cricketers to celebrities to politicians give generously to temples and other places of worship in the hopes of successfully bribing God into assuring them a good sporting series, movie or term in office. Right? So, does religion matter to us Indians? I don’t think I even need to answer that question…

Moving to marriage now, it’s a big step. It’s one of the most important responsibilities that a good number of parents believe they are entrusted with – making sure that their offspring are well settled so that they always have companionship and love in their lives. Most parents believe that that love will come only if the other person shares the same religious beliefs as their child. Perhaps, in a way, they’re not wrong. Any married person (unless they are really lucky) will tell you that marriage requires some amount of hard work. Even if you have matching horoscopes or have said the same prayers to the same God all your life; you’ll still have days when you want to wring his or her neck because you just can’t seem to agree on anything. It’s normal (I think). But, when you add religious differences to the mix, things can get dangerous. Remember, wars have been fought in the name of religion.

Being in love is beautiful. Finding someone who can make you happy and is there for you when you need them is a surreal feeling. I doubt that until things get really serious, religion even plays on your mind. But, when it does, suddenly knowing that there will come a day when you won’t enjoy the freedom to go to the place of worship you’ve gone to all your life seems like a frightening reality to me. The idea of having to compulsorily take a bath and perform a small religious ceremony before entering the kitchen in the morning, or having to wear a burqa and never venturing outside without a male chaperon, or eating with people who have no qualms about what kind of meat they are consuming or how the animal has been slaughtered becomes a very real future and one, which if it was me, I don’t know if I could handle. But, that’s just me.

Perhaps, all of it can be overcome if the couple is strong enough to face whatever or whoever opposes their union. Liberal enough in the way they think to adopt a lifestyle which is perhaps more spiritual than religious, in the conventional terms, and accept that their children will by default be registered with the same faith as the husband. Be willing to make compromises of a degree that I don’t think other marriages normally require, especially in our pretend-secular-tolerant India. Finally, to be so in love that the idea of being without each other is unfathomable. Without all of that, to my mind, the outlook of inter-caste/faith/race/whatever marriages succeeding in a country of such high religious fervour is not that bright.

So, I don’t think the concept of inter-faith marriage is entirely taboo. But, I feel that for it to become accepted as routine or normal, we need to abandon being religious and become spiritual instead.

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Written for Indispire – 25 hosted on Indiblogger. – “Inter-religion marriage still taboo among Indians. You’re take.”

UBC5: Ridiculous Grins

She was fidgeting as she waited for her luggage. For some inexplicable reason the tears she couldn’t suppress had vanished and her mouth seemed to keep up turning into a grin.

She pushed the trolley outside, scanning the crowd. He waved, wearing a ridiculous grin on  his face.

“Together at last”, she thought, grinning back.

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